Why You Should Masturbate Before Going To A Nightclub

A scientific and medically proven analysis has been composed as a public service announcement for all men who are wrongfully labeled as “creepers” by the women who frequent the nightclubs. Maybe you’re a really great guy, and you’re looking for a really great female to hang out with at the club; but for some reason, all of the ladies are scoffing in your direction and whispering to each other about the skeezy dude who keeps trying to talk to them. The problem is that you might be giving off bad vibes, like you just want these women for sexual purposes. Some guys might. But if you’re a gentleman who’s just trying to talk to girls in the clubs, here are a few words of advice. Get off before you go in.

In addition to quelling the urge to get it in for the evening, there are some tried and true health benefits for masturbation. Exercising your love muscle leads to better overall health, including upping your immune system and preventing cancer. Some rub-n-tug action will also boost chemicals in the brain that affect a person’s good mood. Having a little ménage a moi before going out to the clubs will reduce a man’s feelings of “wanting” and will turn a beast back into a prince.

This could go for women as well. Maybe you’re usually very modest and refined until you down a couple cocktails. Don’t want to come off as a slutty free-ride? Rub one out before you go out, and the less-than-ladylike attributes won’t bubble up after too much bubbly.